Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Curse of Mother’s Day

*Resolve to Know More Blog 5 of 7
for National Infertility Awareness Week 2014

Today, Mother’s Day makes me mostly happy, excited, and grateful. That’s because I can participate in the day directly, rather than watch from the sidelines and be reminded of what I don’t have.  

For many people, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and being invited to baby showers and baby birthday parties can be agonizing. I remember I was invited to a first birthday party soon after the recovery of a very serious miscarriage. I was still anemic from so much blood loss, my hair was falling out because of the chemotherapy treatment they gave me, and my heart was vulnerable and broken. But I knew I had to go to the party because it was for someone very close to me. I also knew I would have to enter a room filled with mommies and babies and smiles and balloons, while my heart was filled with despair and anguish, and my body was depleted and weak from blood loss and weeks of bed rest. I was not into it. I had so much anxiety leading up to the entrance to the party that my palms were sweaty. It sucked, I hated it, and having a stranger there ask me “Do you have kids?” was like a dagger to my heart. Hearing some of the moms complain about their daily lives with their babies made me want to kick them in the shins.

But I survived. And I thrived. I am in a totally different place now, and so grateful to be a parent. But I will never forget what kind of torment I felt inside sometimes at the unfairness of it all. And I will always think of everyone with infertility on Mother’s Day and other days and events that celebrate parenthood.

Being acknowledged on a painful day like Mother’s Day, especially after suffering a loss, can be a great source of comfort. On the contrary, seeing a Facebook newsfeed littered with Happy Mother’s Day comments, pictures of moms with their bundles, pregnant bellies, and children on the swing with their daddies in the park can be a source of terrible pain for infertile people on Mother’s and Father’s Day.

Mother’s Day is coming up. If you have a friend that is dealing with infertility, whether primary or secondary infertility, please think of them and reach out with a loving word. Infertility can be a source of anguish even for those with a child, if they are struggling to have another. A text message, a call, or an email offering love, support and understanding would be a great comfort. Don’t worry that you may be intruding or bothering them. Suffering in silence and solitude is more painful than knowing someone is thinking about you.

On Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and today, I send my love, peace, and comfort to all of you reading this that have lost or are longing for a baby.


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. As an infertile woman, very few people seem to get how hard Mother's Day is.

Anonymous said...

I admire your courage for speaking about your struggle with infertility. I am writing a paper for a class at OU (University of Oklahoma). A lot of the thoughts and emotions that you share is what I want to represent and show in my assignment. Is there a way to contact you (email or phone) for insight? I would really appreciate it! I cant find any contact information on your website.

Best Wishes.

flappergirl said...

Hello, and thank you both for your comments.

To the person from OU that would like to email: if you could leave an email address in a comment, I can contact you. If you do not feel comfortable leaving your email, you can create a temporary free one on Yahoo or other server and then delete that account once we establish contact. Thanks and best wishes to you.

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